apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
