Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
