i barfeds in our rink
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize