well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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