Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
