just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
