and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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