My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
