I'm so fucking centered right now
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize