All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
