im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i will never coherently bang her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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