I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
