i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
