she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We had to coat check the pizza.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize