Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
