I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize