I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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