She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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