Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
