2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
