I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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