I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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