I wish my penis had an off switch
i permit you to call me
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
