Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
