Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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