just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
