There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
