I'm lost and stupid without you.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I AM VODKA MAN
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
