So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
