it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
