my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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