I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
