I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
