First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
