What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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