You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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