We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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