im having a threesome with these popsicles
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I love having hate sex.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
