What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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