maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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