There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize