I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
