Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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