the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
