How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize