I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
