Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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