Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
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