kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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