we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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