There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
