she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
