watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize