just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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