I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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