i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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