Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
