I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I party with great urgency now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
