May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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