god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
