your parents love me but you hate me
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize