i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
