I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize