dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize