Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
