We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
