Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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