i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he thought i was a dude.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
