I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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