Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
