if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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