youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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