He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
