I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Someone shit on the floor
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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