I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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