is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
