my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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