You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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