you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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