barbara walters just said penis...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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