I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
