I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize