Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
