we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
