There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
