if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
