omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
