where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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