the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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