were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We're too hungover to prance.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
