I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize