So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
