what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
